A Successful and determinedsingle Mom
Bright, articulate,determined and ambitious Catherine Tyson epitomises the self-assuredmodern-day, professional woman. Photo by Miguel Escalante
Being a single mother is at times a toughand extremely demanding job which requires, among many characteristics,the ability to be strong and determined.
Catherine Rosita Tyson is a woman who foundherself having to take on the role of single-handedly raisingher three children and in doing so discovered just how far shecould reach for the stars by utilising her own strength and will.
Her soul-searching journey is a story aboutmotivation and single-mindedness. This 34 year old Caymanian ladyhas recognised that she has "the potential to do somethingspectacular with my life and the desire to help inspire othersto do the same" , as she explained in her own words in aninterview.
"The purpose of this article shouldbe to show other women that walking out of my marriage with mythree babies, no job, not knowing where you are going to end upwalkingout on faith, took a lot of stuff. It's stuff that's brought mehere today", she said.
She talked a lot about her great-grandmother,the late Mrs. Catherine Valerie McLaughlin Jordan who, for allintents and purposes, raised little Catherine from infancy.
A staunch Seventh Day Adventist who madea living by renting out rooms to borders and cooking and washingfor them, the devoted relative spent as much time as possiblewith her great-granddaughter.
"I got a lot of really good groundingfrom my grandmother. She was a very religious woman so we wentto church whenever the door was openand because I was a girl shealways had me with her, she kept a close eye on me", Ms.Tyson remembered.
CatherineTyson is the proud mother of (left- right) David, Caitlin andRichard.
As a young girl she was left with her great-grandmotheron many occasions because her mother, Mrs. Aida Stewart, alsoa single mother, needed to find work and there were better opportunitiesin the united states. Ms. Tyson and her two brothers would staywith their grandmother who was the safety net and only sourceof support.
"My mom could leave and know that wewere safe", stated Ms. Tyson. She recounted her feelingsof trust and love for her mother and depicted a story of a parentwho needed to go out into the world in order to be able to properlyprovide for her family.
"I always felt that whatever my motherwas doing, wherever she was, she was doing it for me. She wouldalways talk to me on the telephone whenever she called, and sendlittle letters", she said.
When Ms. Tyson was five years old she movedto New York City with her mother and older brother. Although hergreat-grandmother was "broken-hearted" by this separation,for the young Catherine it was a very exciting time. She foundkindergarten at a local Brooklyn school easy but had some problemsadjusting to her social environment.
"If someone pushed me on the ground,I just stayed there. I didn't want any trouble. I never knew whatI was capable of doing. I always thought I don't want to hurtthem [the other kids], so I would rather just stay quiet. So Iwould get pushed down and not get up and fight back", Ms.Tyson explained.
This was one of her first lessons in learninghow to stand up for herself and she is thankful to her motherand brother who insisted that if she did not "fight back"then she would be reprimanded by them when she got home from school.
The next move was one back to Cayman whenshe was eight. Again, she lived with "grandmother" whileher mother re-started in Miami. This time she stayed with Mrs.McLaughlin Jordan for four years, attending the "Truth forYouth" school and enjoying special moments with the elderlylady who helped her in so many ways, but only in later years didshe understand that she was also a great help to her grandmother.
"My grandmother couldn't read or write",she revealed. Ms. Tyson went on to describe the many grocery shoppingexpeditions she made with her so that items such as canned goodscould be correctly identified. She has very fond memories of thosedays when her great-grandmother made sure that she had everythingthat a girl of that age could wish for.
Yet again Ms. Tyson was uprooted at theage of twelve when she spent a couple of years back in the UnitedStates and she pointed out how she was "always the new person".
She illustrated those unstable days withthis:
"When you go to the States, you'renot a cool person. I'd find someone a bit like myself and we'dbe friends. For some reason I'd always end up befriending theoddball although I don't think of myself as an oddball, but Iwas always on the outside."
Eventually she and her mother returned toGrand Cayman and set up a more permanent home, where she attended,first, John Gray High School and then Triple C School. After graduationshe joined the Cayman Islands' Police Force for one year but feltthat she needed a change. So when her mother returned to Miami,Ms. Tyson followed her, hoping to find greater happiness.
She thought she discovered new contentednesswhen she married her Miami-based husband at the tender age of20.
"I was looking for something. I waslooking to be loved, to be needed and he represented that",she commented. Soon after getting married, her first son Davidwas born and just when she was adjusting to motherhood, her secondson Richard came along. As much as she was thrilled to have children,she felt somewhat isolated and alone because her marriage wasnot going well. She spoke of the inequality in the relationshipand the lack of her own individuality.
From a somewhat demoralised wife, Ms. Tysonrapidly evolved into a high-flying honours student of psychologyat Miami Dade Community College where only after one semestershe was winning awards for academic excellence. She related thestory of how, when she attended a prize-giving ceremony at thecollege, she had to bring her two little boys, only three andfour years old, and as she was approaching the podium her oldestcalled out "mommy" in a very loud voice as he did notwant to be left seated alone.
This image of one child in her arms andthe other clinging to her, she said, is symbolic of her struggleto become the person she wanted to be while adhering to her commitmentto being a good mother.
Academic awards led to grants and scholarshipsand after about two years, Ms. Catherine Tyson had earned an associate'sdegree (AA) in psychology, but not without external pressures.
"I carried my baby with pride",she stated, detailing the fact that she became pregnant with herthird child quite soon after embarking on her college career.
Luckily her teachers were supportive andshe was submitting papers the very month that her little Caitlinwas born. When the newest infant was only six months old, Ms.Tyson "packed up everybody" and left her husband.
Having tasted success, there was no stoppingher now. Next she completed a two year bachelor of social workdegree at Florida Atlantic University, all the while continuingto take care of her three children with the help of universitygrants as well as child support from her estranged husband.
After graduating in 1997 she had littleluck in finding a job in Miami and so, with some encouragementfrom her mother, she and her children returned to Cayman.
In fact, it was her mother who circled recruitmentadvertisements in the local press and in July 1998 Ms. CatherineTyson joined the Department of Social Services at the Tower Buildingin George Town. Still she kept pushing herself and in
August 2001 she relocated to Miami for oneyear to do her Masters in social work at Barry University.
This programme was funded by Cayman's Departmentof Social Services.
Taking her children with her, Ms. Tysonadmitted that "if I had known it was going to be that difficultI wouldn't have gone".
The challenge of an intense one year Mastersprogramme coupled with the daily rigors of parenting three childrenalone proved to be a testing time.
What helped, she stressed, was the cooperationher children showed and their continued support for her.
"My children look at me and their eyesare saying, 'you can handle it' and that's what's kept me going.I'm very proud of them", she said.
Things are very different today. Now herex-husband's monthly child benefit is a bonus because she is morethan able to provide for herself and her three children, David,13, Richard, 12 and Caitlin, 8. Along with the financial rewardsof such hard work, Ms. Tyson is looking forward to using her latestqualifications that will enable her to expand into the field oftherapy.
She is quite passionate about helping othersespecially those who come to her complaining about the hardshipsof being a single mother.
"I've had clients come in and say 'I'ma single parent' and I'm going 'okay, I know, I am a single parenttoo and those degrees didn't just come to me', I had to make thedecision not to settle. My focus was on me and on what I coulddo with what I had", she explained.
She referred to being "goal-orientated"and urged women who might find themselves in a similar predicamentto "keep going" and "if you stub your toe alongthe way, put some salve on and keep moving".
She ended her own story by sharing thismoving narrative:
"After I've tucked my kids in, kissedthem goodnight, seen that everybody's safe, all the doors arelocked, I go to bed and the next morning I get up and think 'here'sanother day, another opportunity to do it better".
Photos by Miguel Escalante.
Make-up by Eclipze.